Age Old Theory

I was chatting with a friend of mine. She is a teacher at KG school. Married now, she can’t wait to have kids of her own. (Christ what’s with people and kids!) She was going on and on about how she was saving now for children's education. This coupled with a discussion about investment in property and settling down that I had last night with another bunch of friends where I was a mute spectator (don't have money or will to invest in any kind of property … heard even to sleep on a footpath in Mumbai costs a lot more than I can afford … and as far as settling down, the very thought brings about an image of a world of morbid stagnation that I start comparing it to mosquitoes. Stagnant water …. Breeding mosquitoes … dangerous diseases … get the connection?
But I digress. Anyway so all these conversations made me realize I am definitely growing old. Now 60% of my friends are married, about to do so or in long term engagements. 39% are going around and vowing to marry their better or worse halves. How they are different from the latter part of the 60%, I don't know but they are not taking concrete steps towards marital glory just baby steps (will come to the baby issue soon). This also includes people who are currently not engaged but in the next one year or less will be forced to sit in front of a fire with someone (who could for all reason be an unconvicted serial rapist) and then be in conjugal bliss i.e. be happy or married for ever. Now that leaves 1% (here I use percentage rather than figures to give myself the false impression and thus comfort that I am not the only one on this planet with similar ideas) who are blissfully unaware of the fact that somewhere, sometime we might have to get married have kids and the whole jing bang stuff.
Now this is in itself would have made any weak hearted person seek white hair or lack of hair on his pate. But me, I am made of stronger stuff, the innumerable vodkas have at least proven that. (Also the totally unkempt look that I keep makes sure that neither white hair nor lack of hair is very visible.)
But to add to all that my married friend (the one of first para fame in this story) tells me about kids who she teaches. Normally I would never have the energy to palate any such disgracefully boring conversation but it was a Sunday morning, I had just woken up, was reading the newspaper, having a coffee and a cigarette and the exhaling of the smoke served as proof enough for her that I was on the other side of the phone and totally engrossed (if you are reading this please forgive me) in the said conversation so didn't bother making up an excuse and hanging up.
Anyway …
Now, I hate kids. (There I have said it aloud so DAMN me). I find it very stupid that they drool, piddle on anyone they want, walk in the buff in front of hot girls and get a "CHO CHWEEEET" as a reaction while if I do any of the above mentioned stuff, people would be hauling my ass before the police before I can even think cho chweeet.
Anyway back to the subject of them vile creatures. (Kids). It seems one kid was being told he would soon learn to play the tabla (the thing in question is 4 years old. At 4 years the tabla would have been something I would want to sit on and not be disappointed at my inability to play it). To assuage its (don't know if it was a girl or a boy kid) feelings, my friend was telling it that it was a superhero (please ignore blatant sexism; super heroine just have the same jazzy feeling about it) and could do anything it wanted. The little creep replies that superheroes don't go to school. I say dress the scum in blue, make it wear a red cape and red undies outside and then push it off a very tall building. We will see about the superhero stuff.
Another one of them creepy crawlies, this time 2 and a half years old was complaining that its shoes and dress didn't match. Bloody shit! When I was 2 and half years old, I probably ran around wearing nothing (not pleasant images so don't bother thinking about it) and my shoes matched because I wasn't wearing any. My friend had already proceeded to explain something else and I caught two words which made my ears perk up. These were generation gap. And then it struck me. A few years ago (or was it even longer) I was using the same phrase when my mom told me to be back home by 2 and not 3 in the morning. And now someone was using it to describe me and someone younger.
Hell!!! I am growing old. What further proof do I want?
So here is to saving, investing and having kids. (Nah! Like my own life too much to do all that). Ironically or is it coincidentally Bryan Adams is singing on FM, "here I am, this is me … there is nowhere else on earth I'd rather be”!