Follow up to "When are you getting married"
I remember a long time ago a friend of mine had told me, "Marriage is like swimming in the sea. You plunge into the sea and then fight against the currents." Well, I am not interested in swimming or fighting currents, I would rather laze on the beach with a beer!
It's funny how I don't have a single example of a really great marriage. Everything seems to be about compromises. You do not do this, this and that because you want to make your spouse happy. In all this, where does the "you" go?
Most times people seem to see in their potential partner someone who they can mould to fit what, in their minds, is the ideal spouse. SO you think, he/she does these things now but will stop once we are married. And therein lies the problem. You cannot change a person. You would want to get married to the person as he or she is. The minute you want to try and change there comes about a barrier. True, in the early days of courtship or nuptial you would be willing to not do a few things for the better half. But as time goes on, there is something inside you that starts gnawing. You say but this is not you. How much longer will you stop yourself from doing what you really want? That is why it is imperative to accept a change and not force changes. You let that person be and know that the person comes with such shortcomings and if only if you are willing to accept it should you go to the next step. Allow both people to grow into what each person wants to be and in the process be together. It is not as if everything has to be done together, there is something called "personal space" and that has to be accepted.
Another thing I cannot fathom is the whole jingbang around the wedding celebrations. For me it should be about the 2 people (bride and groom), not about their parents, relatives, friends, far flung relatives and many more people who "HAD" to be invited. It's personal not a public spectacle. If you want the latter, attend a circus. And this most crucial, personal moment should go beyond "who all need to be there". It should be about only the bride and the groom.
So at the end of the day, to all those people asking me "when I am getting married?"
Marriage, for me, is not about accepting what society wants, adhering to the whats is the accepted norm. It is about 2 people coming together in friendship and sharing, it is about respect and acceptance and above all it is about the highest regard for the individual and his/her needs and wants in life. This above all!
It's funny how I don't have a single example of a really great marriage. Everything seems to be about compromises. You do not do this, this and that because you want to make your spouse happy. In all this, where does the "you" go?
Most times people seem to see in their potential partner someone who they can mould to fit what, in their minds, is the ideal spouse. SO you think, he/she does these things now but will stop once we are married. And therein lies the problem. You cannot change a person. You would want to get married to the person as he or she is. The minute you want to try and change there comes about a barrier. True, in the early days of courtship or nuptial you would be willing to not do a few things for the better half. But as time goes on, there is something inside you that starts gnawing. You say but this is not you. How much longer will you stop yourself from doing what you really want? That is why it is imperative to accept a change and not force changes. You let that person be and know that the person comes with such shortcomings and if only if you are willing to accept it should you go to the next step. Allow both people to grow into what each person wants to be and in the process be together. It is not as if everything has to be done together, there is something called "personal space" and that has to be accepted.
Another thing I cannot fathom is the whole jingbang around the wedding celebrations. For me it should be about the 2 people (bride and groom), not about their parents, relatives, friends, far flung relatives and many more people who "HAD" to be invited. It's personal not a public spectacle. If you want the latter, attend a circus. And this most crucial, personal moment should go beyond "who all need to be there". It should be about only the bride and the groom.
So at the end of the day, to all those people asking me "when I am getting married?"
Marriage, for me, is not about accepting what society wants, adhering to the whats is the accepted norm. It is about 2 people coming together in friendship and sharing, it is about respect and acceptance and above all it is about the highest regard for the individual and his/her needs and wants in life. This above all!
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