When are you getting married?
Before I start, in the course of this post, I have made references to numerous people, all of who are real and not imaginary. Their names have been changed to protect their privacy. But in case they do stumble across this post and identify themselves or others, rest assured no one else can and I am not giving out names. Let it be as random musings!
That is a question I face atleast 4 times a week. Yesterday was special, I was asked that by 2 different people on the same day!
It is almost like there is something out of the natural order if you are not married. Let me count, there is the customary query that comes from Ratbert who comes with me every morning. That's her answer to all ills of life like an arguing cook and maid in the morning, having to call the ironing fellow to iron clothes (yes, yes I dont iron my own clothes and have fallen for the bourgeois trap of having a help for everything). Coming from a woman it is a strange comment, but I pass it off with the customary nod and smile. Someday, I think I shall scare with hints about being gay! That should throw her into a quandary - still come with me to and from work and be with a GAY man!
There are the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) hints from mummy and daddy Inc! They are easily fobbed off with comments like "Yes, the earlier I do so, the more number of times I can do it in life (referring to the marriage and not to the sex!).
Then there is Shrek, who has taken it upon himself to ensure that the moral degradation of the bay (maybe, cant think of any other reason) doesn't happen with me being unmarried! He has already questioned my sexual orientation more than a few times to find out the answer to that mesmerizing question (not whether the Big Bang theory was true) as to why at 31 I am still single. Needless to say, they have on most occasions been accompanied by customary titters from the rest!On a completely different note, considering the many references to being gay, no I am not. And I am not homophobic!
Add to the above amusing medley sundry relatives, people who want me to take care of their dog, some other random people who I do not care too much about and you have the entire bunch of 'well meaning' folks who just want to see me hitched!
I have a whacked out theory that the women hate to see a man who has not been tamed yet and the men are just jealous that I do my own thing without being questioned!
Then again, I know too many people who are my age and still choose to be single.
I don't have a this is a better phase to be than that. It is just that, I am, in my mind, not ready. Yes most people I have grown up with have already tied the knot, popped out one of more kids and have "settled down". I don't know whats with that phrase. Everyone wants to "settle down". It is not as if being single, I am not settled. Well, I hope I am never "settled". That word always, for some reason, brings up an imagery of a stagnant water pool with mosquito larvae breeding in it.
Anyway back to the original train of thought. SO as I was saying, it has nothing to do with being anti-marriage. I somehow do not feel the necessity to do so. What is it about marriage that I miss?
Companionship - hmmm maybe. But I have a decent enough friends circle and immediate family who I love and who love me in return and who I can count on in times of need!
Sex - who says you will get enough just because you are married. I get by just fine in this department. I shall not go into details as to who and where! :P
Kids - I HATE THEM! PERIOD! EXCLAMATION MARK! They are good as long as they are not mine but I cannot imagine bringing up a brat (as all the ones I have met in recent times seem to be) and pandering to wishes like new trains, ice cream or educational costs and math issues! I would rather buy a new laptop, have alcohol or go travel in Europe. Some would say that makes me anti-socially weird but I would rather have a dog!
I cannot think of any other reasons for being married.
I have seen enough marriages to come to believe its not for me. Let's take the office crowd since I spend so much time of my life there (AARRRGHH!)
Big B and Small B never lose an opportunity to make disparaging remarks about being scared of their wives. Big B, at every opportunity that I have got to meet him outside work, cracks up at juvenile school boy humor and it's almost as if he gets to say these things outside because he can't do it back home. Small B's recent fascination for Catbert raises eyebrows!
Shrek's wife is ever complaining about how he never helps at home! And Shrek works till late at work because his wife's office is on till late! Dude there is stuff to do outside work for yourself but then that's Shrek.
Donkey has a roving eye and tries to use every opportunity he can to get into a woman's pant/skirt. That he is never successful has got more to do with him being a loser than missing out on any opportunity.
Simpson is newly married and his wife makes food everyday! I am sorry, but she seems like a cow!
Asok has frequent fights with his wife and often stomps out of home to a friend's abode. He once stayed with me for a whole week with his dog imploring me to not tell his wife of his whereabouts in case she calls.
Out of the lot, Popeye seems to be the most sorted out of all of the above. He does work at home, helps out wherever necessary and doesn't go chasing skirts. He does "appreciate beauty" especially if the beauty happens to be strikingly hot and walking in the periphery of his vision but come on who doesn't. Leching (It's not a word? MS Office is underlining it in red!) is not a no no after marriage now is it? Like a friend used to say about her husband, he has been made "developed world" from his "emerging economy" upbringing. Entirely her words not mine!
I have been part of various weekend alcohol guzzling which has turned into a respective husband bashing session with each wife trying to outdo the other on whose husband is worse. And they never let up! Although with the kind of stories I hear, I am amazed that they are still together. Asok and Donkey are the favourites to get bashed up at these sessions.
The best one is Donkey, Simpson and Popeye on a Goa trip ogling and then trying to get some, with Popeye saying, "You'll do what you want, I don't want to be part of it but I won't tell anyone also!" Again Donkey's and Simpson's plan fell flat on their faces!
Outside work -
There is Veronica who was till sometime back very confused between an ex boyfriend and current husband. And used to meet the ex and use me as the excuse to the husband! Ofcourse I kept my secret. Thankfully it's been sorted out now.
The "Little One" who fell in love with the "Tall One who drank milk" figured out after two years of marriage post a year or two of dating that TOWDM was no saint and was coolly having a clandestine side show with someone else. They have now, needless to say, parted ways.
Zombie face married Mother Teresa and soon found they were not meant to be. MT of above amazing economy related catchline continues to spread joy and happiness away from ZF who by now has also realised they are not going to be together for this lifetime forget the next 7. They have not officially separated (the dreaded D word not been said ... not Dawood you dumb fuck!) but are for all rights and purposes separated.
"Hard hitting journalist" who has been there done that twice and then realized has been to that other there that done that other thing twice!
OK more later!
That is a question I face atleast 4 times a week. Yesterday was special, I was asked that by 2 different people on the same day!
It is almost like there is something out of the natural order if you are not married. Let me count, there is the customary query that comes from Ratbert who comes with me every morning. That's her answer to all ills of life like an arguing cook and maid in the morning, having to call the ironing fellow to iron clothes (yes, yes I dont iron my own clothes and have fallen for the bourgeois trap of having a help for everything). Coming from a woman it is a strange comment, but I pass it off with the customary nod and smile. Someday, I think I shall scare with hints about being gay! That should throw her into a quandary - still come with me to and from work and be with a GAY man!
There are the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) hints from mummy and daddy Inc! They are easily fobbed off with comments like "Yes, the earlier I do so, the more number of times I can do it in life (referring to the marriage and not to the sex!).
Then there is Shrek, who has taken it upon himself to ensure that the moral degradation of the bay (maybe, cant think of any other reason) doesn't happen with me being unmarried! He has already questioned my sexual orientation more than a few times to find out the answer to that mesmerizing question (not whether the Big Bang theory was true) as to why at 31 I am still single. Needless to say, they have on most occasions been accompanied by customary titters from the rest!On a completely different note, considering the many references to being gay, no I am not. And I am not homophobic!
Add to the above amusing medley sundry relatives, people who want me to take care of their dog, some other random people who I do not care too much about and you have the entire bunch of 'well meaning' folks who just want to see me hitched!
I have a whacked out theory that the women hate to see a man who has not been tamed yet and the men are just jealous that I do my own thing without being questioned!
Then again, I know too many people who are my age and still choose to be single.
I don't have a this is a better phase to be than that. It is just that, I am, in my mind, not ready. Yes most people I have grown up with have already tied the knot, popped out one of more kids and have "settled down". I don't know whats with that phrase. Everyone wants to "settle down". It is not as if being single, I am not settled. Well, I hope I am never "settled". That word always, for some reason, brings up an imagery of a stagnant water pool with mosquito larvae breeding in it.
Anyway back to the original train of thought. SO as I was saying, it has nothing to do with being anti-marriage. I somehow do not feel the necessity to do so. What is it about marriage that I miss?
Companionship - hmmm maybe. But I have a decent enough friends circle and immediate family who I love and who love me in return and who I can count on in times of need!
Sex - who says you will get enough just because you are married. I get by just fine in this department. I shall not go into details as to who and where! :P
Kids - I HATE THEM! PERIOD! EXCLAMATION MARK! They are good as long as they are not mine but I cannot imagine bringing up a brat (as all the ones I have met in recent times seem to be) and pandering to wishes like new trains, ice cream or educational costs and math issues! I would rather buy a new laptop, have alcohol or go travel in Europe. Some would say that makes me anti-socially weird but I would rather have a dog!
I cannot think of any other reasons for being married.
I have seen enough marriages to come to believe its not for me. Let's take the office crowd since I spend so much time of my life there (AARRRGHH!)
Big B and Small B never lose an opportunity to make disparaging remarks about being scared of their wives. Big B, at every opportunity that I have got to meet him outside work, cracks up at juvenile school boy humor and it's almost as if he gets to say these things outside because he can't do it back home. Small B's recent fascination for Catbert raises eyebrows!
Shrek's wife is ever complaining about how he never helps at home! And Shrek works till late at work because his wife's office is on till late! Dude there is stuff to do outside work for yourself but then that's Shrek.
Donkey has a roving eye and tries to use every opportunity he can to get into a woman's pant/skirt. That he is never successful has got more to do with him being a loser than missing out on any opportunity.
Simpson is newly married and his wife makes food everyday! I am sorry, but she seems like a cow!
Asok has frequent fights with his wife and often stomps out of home to a friend's abode. He once stayed with me for a whole week with his dog imploring me to not tell his wife of his whereabouts in case she calls.
Out of the lot, Popeye seems to be the most sorted out of all of the above. He does work at home, helps out wherever necessary and doesn't go chasing skirts. He does "appreciate beauty" especially if the beauty happens to be strikingly hot and walking in the periphery of his vision but come on who doesn't. Leching (It's not a word? MS Office is underlining it in red!) is not a no no after marriage now is it? Like a friend used to say about her husband, he has been made "developed world" from his "emerging economy" upbringing. Entirely her words not mine!
I have been part of various weekend alcohol guzzling which has turned into a respective husband bashing session with each wife trying to outdo the other on whose husband is worse. And they never let up! Although with the kind of stories I hear, I am amazed that they are still together. Asok and Donkey are the favourites to get bashed up at these sessions.
The best one is Donkey, Simpson and Popeye on a Goa trip ogling and then trying to get some, with Popeye saying, "You'll do what you want, I don't want to be part of it but I won't tell anyone also!" Again Donkey's and Simpson's plan fell flat on their faces!
Outside work -
There is Veronica who was till sometime back very confused between an ex boyfriend and current husband. And used to meet the ex and use me as the excuse to the husband! Ofcourse I kept my secret. Thankfully it's been sorted out now.
The "Little One" who fell in love with the "Tall One who drank milk" figured out after two years of marriage post a year or two of dating that TOWDM was no saint and was coolly having a clandestine side show with someone else. They have now, needless to say, parted ways.
Zombie face married Mother Teresa and soon found they were not meant to be. MT of above amazing economy related catchline continues to spread joy and happiness away from ZF who by now has also realised they are not going to be together for this lifetime forget the next 7. They have not officially separated (the dreaded D word not been said ... not Dawood you dumb fuck!) but are for all rights and purposes separated.
"Hard hitting journalist" who has been there done that twice and then realized has been to that other there that done that other thing twice!
OK more later!
Comments
Post a Comment