Noggyisms

Sometime back had written about 7 MBAs getting together and trying to figure out how to get from one point in the city to another and almost succeeding in finding themselves in another state altogether. Had another proof of that in the last few days. Somehow and for some unearthly strange, weird and crazy reason all this happens in Delhi only. What’s with that city? But we will go another day into the Delhi vs. Mumbai story. That will get a lot of people 'senti' over the issue so we shall sweep that under the carpet for the time being. The occasion this time around was a marriage of a friend of mine. And as happens in marriages invites go out into the world a month or so in advance. Somewhere after the whole plan was decided the Government decides to wreck havoc on best laid plans by introducing weird rules (do not know the story behind this but considering I have never heard of the Government doing good to ANYONE, so I think they are to blame for the whole mess too.) So ...

I was chatting with a friend of mine. She is a teacher at KG school. Married now, she can’t wait to have kids of her own. (Christ what’s with people and kids!) She was going on and on about how she was saving now for children's education. This coupled with a discussion about investment in property and settling down that I had last night with another bunch of friends where I was a mute spectator (don't have money or will to invest in any kind of property … heard even to sleep on a footpath in Mumbai costs a lot more than I can afford … and as far as settling down, the very thought brings about an image of a world of morbid stagnation that I start comparing it to mosquitoes. Stagnant water …. Breeding mosquitoes … dangerous diseases … get the connection? But I digress. Anyway so all these conversations made me realize I am definitely growing old. Now 60% of my friends are married, about to do so or in long term engagements. 39% are going around and vowing to marry their better...

BACKGROUND Imagine a nice, little Delhi girl walking into the hustle and bustle of Mumbai. I mean Delhi is just a village that has grown unlike where she is right now. And she feels out of place. Now I will chuck all the parts about how she feels while getting used to the big bad city and go straight into what happened. She is looking for a decent flat and a nice roomie which in case of Mumbai is looking for the broken tip of a needle in 4 huge haystacks. Anyway she looks and looks and finally finds a guest house for herself and life seems to be dandy and nice till the guest house owner turns out to be a bitch (not literally of course) and somehow after occasions were police were called but unable to do anything and losing deposit money etc this little Delhi girl has to leave that place. Her name is AASTHA! Cut to scene where someone else from her institute is there in the same city. She has got this brute of a person looking like the HULK incarnate at her arms length always an...

First an introduction. Smarty Sen, henceforth for brevity's sake to be referred to as SS (not to be confused with the more notorious SS of Nazi fame although our friend smarty sen does have a few jhatkas and matkas of the original Hitler’s people) and Pee Gee (once again for brevity's sake to be referred to as p ji. In this regard it would be worthwhile to mention that the very suffix, ji, brings about images of a bureaucrat, mantri etc in the old sense of the term, you know the type that have chai, laze around and basically are the office eye sore and other sores also. I am not sorry and that is exactly the picture I wanted to convey ... our dear one man band has now become a podgy, paunchy, baldie chai peeing (in the drinking sense and not the pissing) little sore spot. Whew that took away a lot of frustration ... anyway so now that u get the general idea of the two, let’s get on with the story. Well into one of the earlier days of p ji's new turf, I should actually us...

Well people after our (pushpi and me) travails oh I am sorry I mean travels to far and wide ... parts of the country I didn’t know existed ... we are back! Well pushpi has managed to get transferred to Delhi where he will stay and do nothing ... I have managed not to get transferred to Delhi and stay on in Mumbai (for the time being which can mean anything from 1 week to 1 month) and I will stay here and do nothing. Well not anything actually ... my scheming mind just thought up something. Well ever since Don Quixote & Sancho Panza, Bonny & Clyde and our very own desi Bunty & Bubbly, I thought it wud be good fun to have some pair like that ... and didn’t have to look far ... saw one in Delhi ONGC office. So here is to Samrat Sen and Pushpinder Garg ...henceforth to be known as Smarty Sen and Pee Garg (or Smart Ass and Pee Pee) ... (I am open to suggestions on which wud be the better option) and their worthless doings to be given importance by me chronicling them ... We...

In short I could write a precise of the following saying “I slept through an earthquake, woke up and had 8 gulab jamuns for lunch." But then, that wouldn’t do justice to the whole issue would it? Also it wouldn’t help me in time passing. The difference between writing a story which is a one liner and one page is not being bored for an hour. (CONFESSIONS OF A MIND DEMENTED BY BOREDOM) The thing about boredom is that it doesn’t kill you, although u wish it did and sometimes think it does. You just go into a different time zone what with sleeping through the day and watching TV, reading and surfing the net through the night. (When comps are limited and users many the best time to use them is when ordinary mortals sleep.) and as is normal nowadays after battling with boredom throughout the night, I had a huge breakfast (complete with 5 glasses of juice) and went off to sleep (for the uninitiated I don’t work in a call centre although employees there would empathise with the hour...

Nice title … Saw it in a movie just released or about to be released. Had just been to Cal after a year and that makes an apt title for this. Oh yeah the Cal/Kal thing also works out just fine. But wait a sec!!! No, this won't be one of those changes in Cal story. Actually don't know what this is … so let’s see what it turns out to be. So like I was saying ... was back in Cal after more than a year. Cal's changed of course. One more flyover, more cars, more people more malls, more multiplexes and the list goes on and on. For an Hon Bong, (Honorary Bengali, something that Jug Suraiya coined up to describe people from Cal who are not Bengalis but have the possessive feeling towards the city by virtue of having been born and/or brought up there), like me, the changes meant that next time I talked of good old Cal, I would also swell up with pride and equate it with the Delhis, Mumbais and the Bangalores. But like I said, this isn't about Cal. Actually what got me thinki...

B&B. Yup that’s how I will refer to them. (Nah not Bunty & Bubbly, although they are as effervescent as the screen couple, they do not go through the same exploits and escapades.) Am referring to a couple who were senior to me at IIFT. After going through the mandatory (it seems u've not earned ur MBA degree unless u have changed 3 jobs) job changes, now the 2 of them are in Bangalore. The female B (henceforth referred to as FB) is happily married to the male B (henceforth referred to as MB) while the MB is, well, married to the FB. Now, now don’t get me wrong and let Ur imagination go wild, I am not talking about marital discords here. Both of them love each other a lot and will stay together till death do them apart. (MORBID, wonder how that phrase came up, the last thing u think about while embarking on a journey of love id DEATH but we'll have to leave that for now.) It’s just that from the view point of a still unmarried very much single guy, things are a bit...

Mangalore! Closest to Kerala I have been in something like 4 years. Great feeling. There was this other feeling that this was going to be a better training than all the rest put together. Man dreams BIG always!!! First person we met put paid to all our hopes of a good training. These people were a bunch of frustrated (should add the adjective highly); highly frustrated individuals and there is a depressing air to the whole place. Oh there was also this amazing guy who had the best repository of gaalis I came across in a long time. Mader chod, behn chod seemed to just flow and melt into thin air. Oh yes once in a while in between the ma behns, the Fuck word made its own dramatic appearance. Interspersed with all the invectives, he did actually make sense with one of his lovely titbits being, "Young people should never join PSUs". So much about Mangalore – didn't get to explore it much – it’s been a sort of depressing trip. Kerala and Bangalore should be welcome chang...

Well no shortage of animals here – cows, goats, pigs, the whole range and to top it there is Pushpi wherever I go. (Hehe sorry dude but then animals are nice aren't they?) But then this place gave so much of more stuff to write about that animals had to take a back seat. Reality checks, blowouts and somewhere in between loads of fun and driving down highways with loud Gult music. Day off in Rajahmundry, rush off to Hyderabad. For a reality check. Now don't get me wrong, Hyderabad is no Mumbai (I just love that place) but after the Assams and God knows where elses, the ability to sit in a Café Coffee Day at 6 in the morning (how I got there at that hour is not important), to go to a multiplex and then sit at night in a pub, swigging beer while listening to some awesome music was like pure bliss. This is Nirvana. Now back to Rajahmundry and the most exciting thing in ONGC since going to the middle of the ocean (offshore rig). We saw a blowout. This is one of those huge fire...

From the over sanitised NSE Building with its slick interiors and staircase less floors, Shivsagar (a sleepy little town somewhere in Upper Assam) comes as a major culture shock. After the magic of the greenery around has outgrown you and you settle into the rhythm of life with load shedding every 2 hours, it starts getting to u. Between wiping your brow with a hanky that needs to be wrung every 15 mins and dodging pesky little mosquitoes you literally have your hands full. You get out of office and the heat strikes you. It’s bloody hot. The glare of the sun is so intense that is really difficult to move around outside without goggles. And while talking about offices - dilapidated tin sheds are what pass off as the offices of India's most valuable company - wonder where all that profit goes or better still maybe that’s why there is all that profit. From the windows of these ground floor offices (there are no floors above) you cannot peep outside because the grass outside has...

Greenery! That’s the first thing that you notice as you enter Assam. The next thing that attracts attention is the small tin shed that passes off as the Jet Airways office at Jorhat (the small town in Jorhat where we are). Jet probably never had smaller office and certainly not one with benches in it. Checked into the only hotel in town. Very aptly but (un)uniquely called Hotel North East. Kind of seedy place but it’s the only one. Surprise 1: 5 o' clock in the evening and its pitch dark. The sun rises here at around 4a.m. and sets by 4:30 p.m. We are in a different time zone altogether. Not bad. Surprise 2: The security angle is highly overhyped. Sure there is the odd pipeline that is blasted (but nowadays even London has its network of bombings. Morbid, eh? Sorry but humour getting from plain unfunny to twisted.) OK you do find the army guy toting a machine gun patrolling the streets and of course you are not allowed to leave the hotel after 9pm. But that’s more because the...

On the road with Beepy. That’s the river of the vehicle. The weirdo, I guess, just loves the horn. He just doesn’t let go while driving. HONK! A cow on the road. HONK HONK!!! A bus it is. HONK HONK HONK!!!!!!! A car. HOOONKKK HOOONNKKK HHHHOOOOONNNKKK !!!!!!! Nothing in sight for miles on end. Still HONK HONK HONK!!! Why does he honk well that’s the whole point? Thought of calling him Horny bastard but the sexual connotations involved made me choose beepy bastard. the alliteration was also much better. HONK! And he loves to chat! He HONK has three HONK children HONK! Hheheee makes for great conversations. I piece together words in between loud and long HONKS and make sense of what he is trying to say. Let’s leave him to his honking and get to the next weirdo. FARTY!!! Some “in charge” of the plant I am visiting... I enter his room and wish him, "Good Morning," He lifts up his hand in a wave sort of manner asking me to sit somewhere. AND in the same motion, lifts up hi...

Somehow each city has got itself connected in my mind with an animal. If it was the bovine variety in Baroda, it is a four legged humped one in Ahmadabad too, except it has no horns, is tall and is bloody arrogant. Well the last part is a figment of my imagination. AM talking abt the camel. It’s as common as the bloody cow (err I mean holy cow) in Baroda. Oh yes the arrogant part. U see the funny little (well not so little) has got its nose high up in the air (maybe bcoz it’s tall) and is always sniffing something up there. Gives it a very haughty look. SNOOTY FELLOW! Not nice to be looked down upon by a CAMEL. Hey I’m the two legged one with BIGGER brains (assure u its true I do have brains an do walk on two legs ... shut up all those sniggering) Oh yeah gave me grt pleasure to see them pulling carts with people in them. (Sorry PETA i.e. the ethical treatment ppl not the ones calling themselves People for Eating Tasty Animals and no was not thinking abt eating camels in the firs...

Bulls!!! Bulls! No I am not talking about our senior, my namesake (although imagining so many of him in this world I scary EEEKS!!) nor am I chatting about the variety that the crazy fin guys like to chat about (Sheesh talk to any fin guy abt a bull and he will start a monologue abt "bulls an beers". the nuts need to be told that "beer" is something great to drink, a "bear" (pronon bare) is the frizzy huge grizzly thingie which is not something u want to be holding in ur hand at a pub and the same thing that they relate to in some financial sort of way.) Anyway the bulls I am referring to are the four legged, two horned variety. With a hump. Are they oxen or just plain cows? (Love the term Gaays. Gaays and gals) hehhehe sorry bad joke. Anyway back to the bully thingie. Oh yeah so many of them on the streets of Baroda. U find them everywhere in all postures. This city just seems to love them. And they hang around (not literally of course) nonchalantly...

It’s been a very long time. and much water has flowed under bridges, cities and (into) houses (no offence meant but just couldn’t resist the water pun.) Anyway, been touring all parts of the country namely - Dehradun, Ankleshwar, Mumbai (the last 2 places in between the respective floods there; have been blamed for the same but give u my word haven’t got the least bit to do with rain gods or demons) and will be in the following places too - Baroda, Ankleshwar, Ahmedabad, Surat, Assam, Rajahmundry (AP for the uninitiated), Mangalore (not the B place), Delhi, Dehradun all in the next two months or less, basically a new place every week. That’s the story morning glory (to quote a famous line) For a change dont have anything much to write ... that is if u discount all that has been written so far. Regards from ONGC Me P.S. promise that next mail will have juicy titbits (u see been hearing stories and keeping them all compartmentalised in some part of the brain so that it all gushes ...

Well well well Firstly a big hello to everyone out there. Secondly am back from my self imposed exile on grps (still in dun so that exile still on). I would like to express my sincere gratitude and all of u who are dreading this pls kill rohit who by using my name in a mail made me realize haven’t written one in a long time. Aaaaah but I am digressing. I was abt to narrate the story of 8 MBAs together well actually 7 and me I think I am fake. Hmmm where shall I start? Okie I reach Delhi one nice weekend as I am very bored in dun valley (inspite of or is it because of all the grt movies I see the heights being XXX 2 in HINDI) I was supposed to meet my old chum and ex roomie Ravi, and former block mates Niranjan and Gehani. Aaah sweet old times I think and off I go. anyway after much frantic phone calling I reach the place where I was to meet them (this after they keep ensuring that I will not get lost bcoz CP inner circle is a circle and I would eventually reach somewhere called un...

The contents of this episode are of a highly sexual (?) nature ... reader discretion is advised ... The author is not responsible for any people not heeding the warning. The names are of people here and may not be recognized, it is better that way. And finally take it in good spirit and ENJOY! Another boring day of classes is how I started the day. Little was I to know that things were going to change dramatically during the course of the day. That a batch mate of ours would be raped and that also in the classroom. Well well well.... I will proceed to give details! After the first half during which nothing interesting happened. Well something interesting may have happened but I might have been too engrossed in my novel or asleep to realize it happened. Anyway the second half starts and everything goes well till tea time. After tea time things start to happen. Prem who was till now on the hot seat or should I say hot bed refuses to go back to his almighty altar, and so the next bak...

Someone rightly said – the only law in the jungle is 'survival of the fittest'. All the jungle talk is because the last 8 days I have been trying to ape Tarzan (the guy in the spotted loin cloth jumping from tree to tree) in his habits. The occasion – an offsite organized for us by ONGC Day 1: off to Uttarkashi, some place called Nehru Institute of Mountaineering. Run by the Indian Army the make Ranga seem a saint by comparison and of course timing by their standards would put even Timex to shame. Here am assuming Timex keeps decent time. Day 2: wake up at 5 (OH MY CRAZY GOD IN HEAVEN) and by 6 off to some place by foot - where we spend the rest of the day doing rock climbing. Decent stuff. Pi happy. But it was not to last. Pi realizes he has to sleep in sleeping bags, in tents 8 to a tent and do the second greatest job in the world (called shitting) by going into the dense jungle with a bottle all the while hoping the brushing sound nearby is someone else shitting and n...

The Beginning Got a tkt on Deccan air ... was very happy ... thinking only small diff to be paid since co pays only train thingie. So here I am sitting inside the aircraft when there is a small buffeting of the craft. Ignore it. A few mins later the pilot comes on the microphone saying a luggage trolley has just crashed into the wing and the flight has been grounded. And thereby starts the tale! The middle And then the running around where Deccan officials point out how there and then the running around where Deccan officials point out how there is a clause in fine print which says how they would only refund the fare and make no alternate arrangements. So running around from window to window find a flight to Delhi (set me back quite a lot) ... one that reaches Delhi only at 10:15 or so. There go any plans of taking the last bus to ddun I think. And ooops my mobile is out of charge and with battery down that goes to sleep. Finally find charging point and charge it ... also get to...